Chapter Two: My First Date
?You?ve really got to learn how to dress yourself properly,? said Lo, driving me home from school one afternoon. ?You know you?re not that ugly.?
?I?m not?? I asked, my eyes wide and begging for acceptance. She was everything I wanted to be and she had everything I wanted to have.
?You just need to learn how to use what you?ve got,? she said, nearly running a red light. The woman drove like she had a death wish. She?d crashed three Jaguars in one year. The last time, I think she did it on purpose after deciding purple was no longer an ?in? color. Her dad was only more than happy to oblige with a black one this time, which she claimed was classic for all seasons. ?What happened to those Hillfiger jeans I gave you for your birthday? You never wear those.?
?They?re too big. They practically fall down to my knees.?
Lo laughed, ?That?s the way they?re supposed to look. It?s sexy. Come on, all the boys will be able to see your boxers.?
?I don?t wear underwear,? I said, turning to her for a reaction.
She had none. I don?t even think she heard me. The only way to keep Lorelei actively involved and interested in a conversation was to make it about her and so that?s just what I did. ?How are things with Chad??
?Ugh,? she sneered. ?He wants me to go see the special edition of Star Wars with him on Friday night. I hate sci-fi.?
?Lo, Star Wars isn?t science fiction. Well, it is but it?s so much more than that. It?s drama, it?s romance, it?s about family and friends, it?s an epic! It?s about growing up and fighting for what you believe in and good versus evil. It?s about the loss of innocence. It?s a masterpiece!? I tried to explain, but yet again the conversation had drifted from her and she was busy flirting with some guy in the car next to her.
?I wonder how freaked out my dad would be if I started dating a black guy,? she wondered aloud, still checking out the one in the vehicle next to her. ?I?ve never kissed a black guy. I wonder if they?re good kissers.?
?Their dicks are supposedly the biggest ever.?
?Oh my God, that reminds me!? she screamed, leaving the dark skinned hottie out in the cold. Full of drama, she swerved the car to the side of the road and pulled over. I laughed so hard I nearly pissed my pants. I?ll admit I was anxious to hear what she had to say.
?So,? she says, turning to me, ?Chad and I were making out after his baseball game the other day. Nothing crazy, but I let him put his hand up my shirt for the first time so I figured I?d cop a feel myself down below.?
?And?? I said. I was already hard.
?It?s a fucking tree trunk,? she says, her crazy eyes telling me she hadn?t yet decided if this is a good or bad thing. ?I mean, I have never felt anything like it.?
?Cut or uncut?? I asked.
?Did you suck it??
?NO!? she said, punching me in the arm. ?You know I don?t do that until the third date.?
?Which is when? You?ve got to tell me so I can write it in my day planner.?
?Ugh, the third date,? she sighed, brought down again, ?is coming this Friday to a galaxy near you.?
?It?s really not a bad movie!?
?I don?t care,? she said, rolling her eyes. ?I?m just going to make him happy. You should come with us.?
?On your date??
?Actually, would you mind?? she said, clasping my hands begging. ?Please, please, please will you come? ?Cause you like that stupid movie and this is some special re-release and he is going to want to talk about it all the way there and all the way home and I am so not interested. If you come, he can talk to you and I can just tune him out until later in the evening when we?re alone and I can find other ways of distracting him.?
?Like finding out if my mouth will even fit around his dick.?
?Is it just wide or is it long??
Lorelei started the car up again and finished driving me home, all the way debating out loud which outfit she should wear for our Friday outing. For once I wasn?t even listening. I couldn?t get the image of what his dick might look like out of my head. He already had my vote for being the most beautiful guy in school so I had almost convinced myself until now that he had to have the smallest dick in the world. After all, the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away, right? Or so I thought. Maybe it?s that cross he?s always wearing around his neck. Maybe the Christian thing helped to keep him physically blessed and if that?s the case then I should start praying a lot more often. And on top of all these virtues, he was sweet, kind and didn?t seem to mind that I liked guys. ?Wait, are you sure he?s going to be ok with me tagging along on Friday night?? I asked.
?Oh, honey,? she smiled, ?Didn?t I just tell you I let him grab my tits? I now have him wrapped around my little finger. He?ll do anything I tell him to.?
?Anything?? I asked. My imagination was drooling. ?So much for being a good Christian boy.?
?All good Christian boys crumble in the presence of Lorelei Marks,? she said with a Mona Lisa smile. ?I always get what I want, you know that.?
Of course. That?s why I loved her. She got everything she wanted, whether she was getting it from her family, getting it from her money or getting it from her good looks. Soon she?d be getting it from Chad and I meant that in every way possible. Lo was not a virgin. She?d slept with a few of boys since she lost her virginity her Sophomore year. She hadn?t quite slept with enough boys to be considered a slut, but she?d definitely made out with so many she was considered a tease. In fact, she had a reputation for it around school. She was known as the girl who left her dates high and dry. She got them hard as a rock and left them dry as a bone. That was something I could never understand. Here she had dozens of hot guys, some younger than her, some older than her, all absolutely gorgeous, throwing themselves at her -- and she didn?t even take advantage of it. If I?d had just one of those guys, just one who would feel the way about me that they felt about her, I?d make sure I sucked them so good they?d never want to leave me.
I dreamt of Chad Sterling that night. I dreamt that he was in the locker room after baseball practice and I snuck in to check out what Lorelei had raved about. I had to see for myself if it was all that she?d said it was. I crept past the lockers on my knees and hid behind the benches so he and his teammates wouldn?t see me. When they weren?t looking, I scurried into a bathroom stall and crouched on the toilet where, if I craned my neck down far enough, I could get a good view of the showers. All the guys were soaping up, running big bars of soap from their puffed out chests down to their crotches. The seniors had thick thatches of hair reaching from their belly button down to a forest of curly hair whereas the freshmen were only sprouting some. Most were relatively well hung, but nothing like what Lo had described. Then all at once, there he was. I watched him walk into the showers, his perfect white ball player?s ass shifting from side to side as he strode. One of the players smacked a soapy hand on his right cheek and told him he?d played a good game. Slowly he turned and with great anticipation, I held my breath, so scared I would get caught just from them hearing me breathe. He rotated his body around to face me and there, protruding from his crotch, was an actual tree trunk. A small evergreen with needles falling off and two big red balls attached to it. It looked like something out of A Charlie Brown Christmas.
I woke up.
We were one of the first in line to get our tickets on Friday night. Chad was more excited about it than me even. ?This is so awesome!? he kept saying. Lo was right. We had talked about it all the way there and she was off in her own little world, constantly applying more lip gloss or checking herself out in a compact. Meanwhile, Chad and I debated about whether or not we liked to idea of a CGI version of Jabba the Hut being added to the new special edition. Regardless though, we agreed it would be cool to see the lost footage with Harrison Ford.
Some of Chad?s teammates were apparently anxious enough about the movie to see it on opening night as well. They came as a group, some even wearing costumes or holding homemade light sabers and as they approached, I felt queasy knowing they were going to make my night into a nightmare. ?How?s your date, Chadrick?? they mocked, coming up to us. ?What the fuck?s the fag doing with you?? Another one shouted, ?Hey, which one are you on the date with anyway??
?Chill, man,? said Chad. ?He?s cool.?
And just like that, they stopped their harassment. Their Obi Wan had spoken and his Jedi mind tricks had prevailed. Still, one asshole let out, ?Later, fag,? as they left to the back of the line, making the rest of them laugh. Chad didn?t even crack a smile.
?Sorry about that,? he said.
?Don?t be,? said Lo, not looking in any particular direction. ?It happens all the time. He?s used to it.?
Chad looked at me sort of pathetically and I kind of liked it so I tried to look sad. His pity meant that he cared and that was a good feeling. ?Man, my teammates ever give you shit, you just let me know and I?ll kick their ass.?
Lo had had enough of her the attention being averted from her. ?Why don?t you marry him?? she said, with her signature eye roll.
?Hey, I should be so lucky,? he laughed. ?Nah, you?re not my type, man. I like chicks. But you?re cool. You still like Leia, right??
?Right,? I laughed.
?Then you?re cool.?
The more he said it, the more I started to believe it. ?Don?t get a big head,? said Lo, then moving her eyes down to my crotch. ?He?s just using you to get to me.?
I didn?t care if he was. I?d never received so much affection from a guy in my life -- and for it to be from the biggest stud in school was beyond blissful. I began pretending that this was our date and Lo was just along for the ride. I didn?t leave his side the entire night and it may as well have been my date as the two of them barely related to each other at all. At least, comparatively.
Lo sat between us in the movie and as the evil lord Darth Vader threatened to destroy the Princess?s home of Alderaan, we both looked to Lo at the same time to see her reaction. Of course, she had none. She was sleeping, her mouth half-open. We looked at each other then and busted out laughing so hard it jolted her awake. Embarrassed, she couldn?t help but laugh too and the three of us were nearly in tears until Alderaan was blown to bits and Lo gasped at the screen.
?You guys, hush!? she said, trying to suppress her own laughter. ?I?m trying to watch a movie here.?