?I?ve never been married, but I tell people I?m divorced so they won?t think something?s wrong with me.?

- Elayne Boosler

TOP STORY

JENNA CHIDES HOUSTON LIBRARY & MAYOR FOR BANNING AUTOBIO: I love Jenna when she?s angry! Our Miss Jameson yesterday issued her own statement regarding Houston mayor Bill White?s decision to ban her New York Times bestselling book, How to Make Love Like a Porn Star, from the city?s public library.

?I think it is ridiculous and dangerous for a politician to dictate what kinds of books a public library should or should not have on its shelves,? says the world?s most famous porn star. ?The selection of books should be solely up to the library director, not a mayor who is acting with political motivation. What?s even more weird is that the original complaint came from a councilwoman named Pam Horn, who admits she never even read the book. A library spokesman told the Houston Chronicle that there was a waiting list for all 12 copies of the book owned by the library, so it was never even a question of being on display. If they are worried about whether kids are going to get hold of my book, the library director and Mayor White ought to take a cue from President Bush, who told C-Span the other day that ?we are a great society because we're a free society? but that it is up to parents to monitor what their kids are watching and reading.?

God, that?s hot! And of course, leave it to JJ, master of self-promotion, to announce that she?s now offering the book on her web site at 20% off to anyone from Houston!

JASONCURIOUS.COM EXCLUSIVE

WHISPERS OF ZEB: I hear whispers of Zeb Atlas, currently under the management of Forest Entertainment, possibly making a movie with Unzipped Video. The movie would be directed by Doug Jeffries and distributed through Channel 1 Releasing. There?s definitely talk! Let?s hope the figures add up to seeing Zeb on the big blue screen. The movie would definitely sell through the roof. I say give the man whatever he?s asking!

FEATURED REVIEW

NECTAR ENTERTAINMENT?S ?WELCOME TO THE VALLEY 3?: In an age where reality rules, I can see why Nectar Entertainment is trying to push their series Welcome to the Valley as ?reality porn.? But it?s not really. It?s clearly very scripted. But the good news is that the scripts are hilarious and it should be being pushed as one of the best sex comedy series of the season.

I was especially smitten with their latest installment, Welcome to the Valley 3, a sexvid that?s grand finale features voluptuous big titted slut Sativa Rose with hottie Billy Tyler. The two get it on atop Billy?s desk in a couple of different positions with such sweat-drenched intensity, it?s worth the buy for this scene alone.

Nectar Entertainment?s Welcome to the Valley 3, also starring Sarah Blake, Nautica Thorn, Sharon Wild, Jayna Oso, Lexi Marie, Anthony Hardwood and Dick Smothers, Jr., is now available on DVD at www.NectarMovies.com.

BONUS GALLERY

FEATURED REPORT

STACY VALENTINE RELOCATES TO PENTHOUSE: I always like keeping up with one of my favorite former porn gals, Stacy Valentine, who in recent years has taken a backseat and began working behind the scenes as an agent. News comes Penthouse that they?ve recruited Valentine to be their own recruiter for the magazine! This means Valentine?s selling off her interest in the upstart talent agency Exotic Star Models and is relocating to the Penthouse offices in Boca Raton, Florida. Models interested in appearing in Penthouse can contact Stacy through the magazine?s recruiting web site, www.PenthouseModels.com. ? By the way, Stacy, whatever happened to that clothing line of yours?