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June 17 , 2003



By Bret Wolfe

Monthly Column Exclusively at JasonCurious.com

Column #3: “Single Again”

“Bret, did you just break up with another Boyfriend. Do tell, what the hell happened this time? You seem to go through relationship after relationship. Is it you or is it them. What’s up?”

Lets start of with the obvious. Men Suck. It’s really that simple. I wish it weren’t so, but alas they most definitely do suck the big one. I of course mean that figuratively as well as literally. I am one of those guys that just does not have the best luck with men. I would like to think I was the perfect catch but again I would like to think I was the next Grammy award winner. Not so. Delusions.

As many of you know, I really don’t have the best of luck when it comes to relationships. I have already covered my personal issues. My unrealistic goals, my unrelenting idea of what the perfect man is; the blond haired Adonis with the magical voice that will come and sweep me off my feet. In the past, I have settled with the fact that those dream wont come to fruition; settled with the fact that perfection does not exist, but while knowing that – is it really too much to ask for a guy who at least tries? Dear God. We’re getting lazy at listening. This is my tale.

So to answer the title sentence: Yes. I did just get out of another “relationship.” I have that in quotations because we dated for a little over a month – should I even be calling it a relationship? You know how we Gays are when we start dating. It’s like dog years. One month = six months, two months = one year, three months is a lifetime. Hmmm…Well. Point made. So I dated this guy for a little over a month. If I am going to talk about him I should probably give him a name. A pseudonym, of course. How about “Chance”? That’s a name filled with drama… cheesy too. Love it.

Chance is a great guy, let me say that first. Not because he might read this but really because he is a great guy who had great intentions. Intentions are nice but they become insignificant when not used appropriately. In a new relationship – in any relationship – communication is so incredibly valuable and important.  It’s with communication and listening that we really begin to learn about one another, really begin to explore the other person and hope to become a better couple. But again you must communicate and you must listen.

I am not perfect but I can easily admit that in this past relationship, I was not the one to blame. I can be difficult as hell. Temper is an issue. I tolerate little and I can be a pain in the ass. But I also excel at communicating and sharing with my partner. I voice my happiness, problems, frustrations, joy and love to the person that I am seeing so that there are no assumptions and/or miscommunications in the future. I hate it when the one you decide to share your time with begins assuming what you would like and what you want. I am sorry to say it, but that old saying, to assume is only making an ass out of you and me, still holds true today. And that was one of the few problems we had.

When I first met Chance I was very upfront and honest with the fact that the month of May was going to be a very difficult month for us. I was going to be traveling quite a bit.  Palm Springs, Chicago, New York, etc. Point is, I was not going to be home as much as I would like. I also pointed out that it made it quite difficult to really start dating somebody new because of the lack of time. Chance brightly exclaimed to me that it would not be a problem, that he understood that it was tough for me this month, and that he would like to make the most of the time that we did have. Isn’t’ that sweet? I love a guy who listens, understands and adapts. Delusions. 

I should have known there were going to be problems. He is 23 for Christ’s sake! What does a kid know about relationships? He even uttered that horrible line that proves their immaturity, “I act much more mature than my age.” Uggh… delusions!

So the main complaint I heard when we were breaking up was – ready for this? – “I don’t see you enough.”  No Shit, Sherlock! That’s what I told you from Day One. You weren’t going to see a lot of me this month. Listen, boys. Listen. When someone tells you something try taking it to heart rather than reinterpreting it to mean the exact opposite. We always stress communication and sharing but even when it happens we don’t follow through. LISTEN. We do say it for a reason. I wasn’t playing a game with ya.

Secondly, if you’re going to go out of your way for me, at least know that I will like it, or don’t waste your time and money. Ok, so it was my birthday and Chance wanted to do something really sweet for me, which is great and very charming! However, it is my birthday and I think I should be able to celebrate it the way I want. It is my day, right? No, I got an argument because for my birthday I wanted to hang with friends (and Chance) and watch “The American Idol” season finale. I was told how I was a horrible person and how $70 dollars worth of roses had to be thrown out. Ok, let’s recap: My day, my way, and I hate roses. If you don’t know me, don’t get to spend a lot of time with me, and refuse to respect my wishes, then I would think it a pretty stupid move to waste 70 dollars on flowers. Especially roses, even more especially when I told Chance on my second date that I hate roses and love lilies. Listen. Please, listen. Delusions.


So what’s the point of all this? Yeah, sometimes it is my fault. Sometimes I am the one who fucks things up in relationships, but this time… Lord! I did nothing out of the ordinary. I was honest, upfront and really tried to understand this kid’s motivations and frustrations. Like I said, I really liked him. He was tall, sweet as pie, good-looking, blonde, huge cock, etc. [He was fucking hot as hell, Bret! What’s his number? – ed.] Unfortunately he lacked a key element: the ability to listen. And listing to your partner is so extremely essential. I could still be dating Chance had he not jumped the gun, not tried to rush the relationship and not assume. Had he actually listened! Was it hubris of youth?

Learn from this, all of you! My point was that when you strive for open discussion and pathways, when you stress communication and listening, fucking follow through! Saying you want it, and actually following through with it, are two different things. Relationships are so difficult as they are, they do not need to be more complicated by us not following through with our promises. We want to be happy at the end of the day. Let’s start listening to each other. I have a feeling it well help us all in more than one way. Best of luck!

And all of you keep your eyes and ears open for a man that I might like. Just make sure he can listen.

My Best,

Bret Wolfe …single again.

Visit Bret Wolfe’s “Black Book” entry on JasonCurious.com for where else you can find him in video and print on this site!

Visit the official Bret Wolfe web site at www.bretwolfe.com.


Monthly Guest Columnist, Tina Tyler
Monthly Guest Columnist, Brittany Andrews



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